you are perfect or: how to walk to the meaning of life

part 1

all my life, i read a lot of books, texts, information, about such things as philosophy, religion, politics, and more, and tried to explore the topics expressed in these as much as i can.
and also tried to put these things "into action" and did a lot of stuff and experiments in the "real world", too.
and, in my opinion, i came across some interesting things then, and actually ran across some interesting - let's call it "information" instead of truths. (i don't say this to "flatter" myself - but to give a bit of a background to this text)
now, i don't claim to know or understand the meaning of life. or have some knowledge that explains "everything at the end of all things".

but, i can tell you about a concept that might be interesting to you, and i'm certain that it would allow you to attain many of the things you want to attain, and to understand many of the things that you want to understand.
and, maybe, to find your own meaning of life, too.

this idea, concept, "truth" is a bit hard to explain and to write down, though.
so, in order to explain it, i will use some words that i just heard in a movie i watched recently. it actually came off as a bit of a cheap movie, but, in my opinion, the words are useful nonetheless. (i could have used other words to a similar effect, but i chose these ones).

the statement is "our biggest weaknesses are actually our biggest strengths".

and this is very true and right and correct!

everything you consider a weakness about yourself is actually one of your biggest strengths.
everything you consider weak, bad, ugly, unlikable, detestable, rejectable is actually beautiful, wonderful, powerful, bold, glorious and brilliant.

everything you want to get rid of about yourself might save you one day.
everything you want to "fix" about yourself is something that might heal you one day.

you are not broken. you are not flawed. you are not wrong.
you are perfect, beautiful, and one hundred percent right and true the way you are, right here, in this moment.
you don't need to change anything about yourself. you are perfect. you just may not see this in this moment.

embrace your weakness, embrace your flaws.

do you consider yourself ugly, chubby, unattractive? embrace it!
do you consider yourself sad, anxious, depressed? embrace it!

and if you do this, if you embrace and love yourself, one hundred percent, with everything you considered bad and flawed, with everything you considered to be a weakness - you might break out of the prison you confined yourself to.
and you might discover some very interesting things. attain some very interesting goals. and find happiness, joy, ecstasy, of the type that is out of the ordinary.

how would this work out, and why? well, that is a bit harder to explain. but for now, have some good faith and try it. you might be surprised by the result.
and remember: you are beautiful, extraordinary, and perfect. every part of you is.

part 2

what i originally wrote might be a bit "hard to believe" without a real, good explanation. but, these matters are complicated, it's hard to explain, thus i will give no explanation right here. but i will offer some proof, and hope that this "proof" might convince you a bit.

the claim was: your "flaws", "weaknesses", are actually something wonderful and perfect.

"how could this be? it can't be true." you might say. and add "it's irrational and against logic, no one would believe this".
well, are you so sure about that?
let's look at society, history, culture. let's start with crime stories. the great detectives.
how about sherlock holmes?
one of the most brilliant minds ever. goes out of this way to apprehend dangerous criminals, and saved many a life of their innocent victims. is neither motivated by fame nor money.
a shiny, moral hero, right?
but, if you read the books: also an arrogant prick. a weirdo eccentric. narcissist. addicted to cocaine and maybe other substances. borders on sociopath without empathy. puts his life, that of Watson and others at risk. at times uses crime, burglary, blackmail, and other "dark" methods to foil his enemies.
so, what do we make of this? is he actually unlikable because of this?
no. it's actually these "flaws" that made this fictional character such a legend, that made his readers idolize him.
you don't believe this? well, every good writer knew about this concept, or at least emotionally grasped it, and made sure to add major "flaws" to their own fictional crime investigators:
hercule poirot with his inflated ego, and also borderline eccentry, his unhealthy appetite for sweet food and such.
"detective colombo" is a man who runs around in dirty clothes, could need both a shave and a haircut, and ruins his own health with his smoking habits - and is a "major asshole" with the conversation techniques he uses on his suspects (and others) - the whole "just one more thing" schtick and all.
and this is what makes readers and viewers adore these fictional personality.
if it happens that in a book, or movie, a fighter for truth and justice is introduced, who is indeed to close to perfection, without major flaws - always on duty, always moral, always disciplined, always "good" - the audience will inevitably scream: 'unbearable, dull, bland - we hate it'.

and please be sure that this is not some random observation, but a major truth is hidden here - that your own "flaws" are the strongest and most important parts of your personality, too!

you can also look at things in "real life", outside of books, movies and other fiction. 
pop stars, rock stars, actors, celebrities, and other "heroes" of our culture and society had major flaws, dysfunctions, a vital lack of a "normal" personality and behavior. (note: i'm not talking about celebrities here that dabbled in sexism, racism, homophobia. and such things. this is a wholly different matter and and this things should be truly rejected, detested, and punished).

and this is what people love about them! this is what people adore about them. we want no clean, perfect cultural heroes that border on fascism and authoritarianism.
just think of your own favorite music idols (or those you had in your teens) and their flaws, and how much you *adored* these flaws. was your idol shy? a social misfit? maybe they had a scar? whatever flaw they had, i know that this was one of the things you worshiped most about them.

i'll  give you more examples:
being a shy nerd can be considered a flaw. no one likes nerds, right?
now imagine, a new scifi blockbuster is made. and one of the main characters is a shy and nerdy young adult of whatever gender. now, do you supposed that people will go and say, "could have been a great movie. but there was a shy and nerdy person in it".
no, people will flock to the movie and love that character - because, that what is usually considered a weakness, is actually a great strength.

i could continue this list of examples on and on, but i think, by now you get the point.
just ask yourself that questions: if you read books, comics, or watched movies with characters that have such "flaws" such as being shy, being overweight, ugly, anxious, awkward, depressed, being misfits, and you loved them either way, and you loved them *because they had these flaws* - why shouldn't you love yourself too, even if you have similar flaws - why do you not love yourself *because of the 'flaws' you have*?
well. you should!

part 3

now that i provided "proof", i will actually do an attempt at an explanation. a fragmented, prototype explanation.

the idea is that everybody is perfect, infinitely beautiful, good, true, and right.
and, with the knowledge of this, able to attain the most extraordinary things, and to attain feelings of pleasure and serenity beyond one's own imagination.

but, now, there arise social, political, cultural, religious authorities.
and they say: "no no no. people are not perfect. to the contrary, they're all evil, they are all sinners, they're damned to hell."

so, a major religion might say: humans have sensual desires, and this is evil, and they're sinners when they have sensual thought, and they need to fix this and to overcome this in order to be saved!
but, the truth is that sensuality can be a wonderful thing, a pure and beautiful thing. it's not a flaw to have sensual desires, because these sensual desires can be a key to paradise!
so, this human "weakness" is actually a strength.

a political authority might say:
"some humans are not willing to fight in our wars. they're cowards and anxious and betray our patriotism and nationalism! if these people do not change, they will remain flawed, and become social filth."
now, the truth is that war is cruel, unjust and pure hell, and to refuse to go to a foreign country and slay innocent people and their children, that have done you no wrong, does not mean you are a coward. it means you are a hero.

or a cultural authority (like the press, celebrities...) might say:
"humans can only be considered beautiful when the fit to our cultural medial concept of beauty, that is attained by surgery, excessive make up, imagine manipulation, and a self-destructive diet and work out regiment. people who do not look like this and are maybe chubby, have scars, "bad" skin, small breasts, large noses, crooked teeth, are not beautiful, they are flawed and should be societally rejected"
the actual truth is that every human is inherently beautiful, and there is a true beauty to human bodies that are just like human bodies are, without strange surgeries and manipulation, and the media doesn't recognize this.
so, "these ugly flaws" are beautiful strengths, again!

i can give more examples like that. political authorities might say, people are lazy, because they do not want to "work their ass off" to secure the wealth of the rich. or a social authority might say that people should behave "bold and strong" and hide their emotions and not cry or act "weak".
or society, culture and politics as a whole might say that individualism is very dangerous, and every one should fit in to "their group".
all these are "flaws" that are considered dangerous by various authorities. but actually, these are not flaws at all.
they are powerful strengths.

in the whole history of mankind, the various authorities, no matter if of religious, social, political, or other origins, always liked to spread the "idea" that humans are dangerously flawed, and have parts of them that are flawed, broken, damnable.
because then they would need to be fixed. and who is providing the "fix"? the authorities of course! they will say "do you have 'sensual thoughts'? run to your church and confess and pray, and maybe they will go away! and always follow the rules of the church and its leaders."
or they say "is your body 'flawed'? come to us! we offer a lot of products and fixes. they are very expensive and dangerous to your health, but do not worry, because we will take all your flaws away if you follow us!"

that's the whole "selling idea" of authority! 'humans are flawed and evil, and only authority could "fix" people or at least keep their flaws in check, so people should follow and obey authority!'
variations of this "theme" have been repeated by religions, cultures, political organisation through all human history.
but do not believe them. defy authority!

part 4

this was a little attempt at an explanation.
but you might say, that this leaves some of the original claims open to answers:
claims such as that one could get closer to "the meaning of life" by doing this. that one can find interesting insights because of this. and achieve wondrous things because of this.

yes, i indeed think a lot of good things will happen if you follow this way.
because, essentially, if you think you are "flawed", if you worry about your weaknesses, and especially, if you constantly try hard to "fix" and change yourself, you are constantly and permanently blocking all your creativity, abilities, strength, energy - you are blocking yourself, your true self. you are are standing in your own way, cant move forward, and can't move anywhere.
and this forever keeps you from unleashing your true potential, and from doing and achieving the marvelous things you can achieve, and from feeling the emotions and joy that you can potentially feel.
do not do this!

you keep yourself busy by trying to block or get rid of your flaws, but you can't, because no matter how hard you fight, they always come back. since they are "hardwired" to you and your personality, because they should not go away, since they are actually - pure strength.
and by fighting this fight, you are wasting all your energy, can't do anything meaningful anymore, and end up feeling miserable.

and you not only throw all your energy away. you are blocking things which you consider "flaws" that in true reality are strengths, talents, abilities, intuition, untapped resources of meaning, brilliance and creativity.
so your true talent and potential never comes through.

it's more complex than that - all parts and things i mentioned here are way more complex than that, and these ideas could fill whole libraries, in my opinion. but we will leave it this way for now. i hope these sentences, however fragmentary and "shortened" they are, inspired you in some way; and feel free to explore these themes further. and i hope you can accept yourself as you are, and see how beautiful you truly are, in every aspect of yourself, your mind, your body, and everything else about you.

so, to come to a summary to all of this:

my idea is that the meaning of life more or less is to *just be who you are*. do not try to fix yourself. you are not broken.
and if you be who you are, your own, real, beautiful true self, then everything else will follow. very wonderful things will follow. i truly believe that. 

Hate Me

I always assumed that everyone hates me. Well, not for personal reasons, not "specifically" me, but because humans generally hate humans (just look at the news - they constantly fight and kill each other), and because humans especially hate people with "artistic inspirations" (as they usually got locked up, burned at the stake, etc. throughout human history).
And, yes, also for personal reasons, and specifically me, because even as a child I seemed to aggravate a lot of people, and it only went worse as I got older.
Now, this generates a kind of paradox situation, because, I'm a musician, and now and then it appears as if some people actually *do* like my music.
I always have a good explanation for that, for example: "people seemed to like my speedcore music back in the day, *but* the real reason was: at that time there were lots and lots of people who were hungry for speedcore, but only very few producers who actually did speedcore; so people had to listen to what was available, and my tracks were available, so they listened to them. but they didn't like *my* music, they just wanted to listen to something with a fast beat."
Or "people seem to like my doomcore stuff. But the reason for this that there are few producers who still do doomcore with oldschool-type percussion, beats, etc. So, among other things, they listen to my stuff, but only because there is few other stuff available".
But now, as we live in strange times, with strange thoughts all around, I began to ponder about a lot of things, in the last years.
And one of those thoughts was: "what if someone genuinely liked one of those tracks I did?"
Now you might say: "dude, stop pondering about these things. you'll get lost in your thoughts".
Yeah, maybe you're right. But, the thing is, this would have quite drastic implications on my music and my life.
For example: as I mentioned somewhere already, I don't perform or DJ at parties because of some (mental) health issues. But another reason why I don't appear at parties is: I assume noone would be interested to hear me play anyway, or I would get quickly booed or chased "off stage" or something like that.

Now, if it turns out this is "not true", and that I sat alone at home for all these years and missed many good parties, just because of a "false assumption", then I'd probably eat up my shirt in frustration.

Also, one of the main motors for me to produce and upload music is out of spite; "I won't let other people's hate silence me, I will go on, damn the consequences", etc.
Without thinking that anyone would like the tracks that I produce, or any other "positive" consequence coming from producing music.
And, over the years, doing this can lead to a very nihilist and self-destructive attitude, that spills over into other areas of life, and gets very problematic at times.
But, if some tracks were actually liked by some people... 
I wonder how that'd change my production and general attitude towards music.

But, I know what you'll say: "you're on a complete ego-trip here. talking about 'your music' and whether anyone 'likes it' it. who the fuck cares about this? Do you think you and your 'sound' are anything special? Eat shit and die!"

And yeah, you're probably right. In the end it would likely not change anything. But it's tempting to ponder about these things - even if pondering is pointless. And it's better not to get too lost in one's own thoughts, true.
But this is my little confession here. Of some of these own thoughts.

Stand Up And Fight - Now!

The state of the world is getting worse and worse, and I know for a lot of you, problems have been piling up in your own life, too.
Maybe money problems, problems related to work, family, relationships, physical health issues, or mental health problems, and much more.
Now this has been going on for some time, and for most people, the solution to this was: to try to cope with it as best as one can, to go to the maximum of one's strength to, for example, keep that job, to keep the family intact, to deal with one's mental health issues, to find some way to still gain enough money to get by, and so on.
In other words: to comply, to adapt, to conform, to deny oneself and one's wishes and desires and one's nature, to obey.
And these people decided not to rebel, not to break away from society, not to start a revolution.

Now, what is becoming more and more obvious, essentially on a weekly basis, is that this path of conformism is a path to certain doom and ruin.

For example, money is getting more and more tight, things get more and more expensive, there are more and more shortages of goods and so on... maybe, until now, by getting a 2nd or 3rd job, and selling a lot of your stuff, or other ways, you managed to still have enough money to buy food and pay rent and maybe some luxuries... but if that trend continues, will you still be able to do so in 1 year, or maybe even 1 month?
As I said, most people are already at maximum strain trying to cope with their multitude of problems, and if the state of the world keeps getting worse and worse, and these people still do not rebel - they will simply perish.
Society and everything is obviously breaking down. So the idea you could just live life "like you used to", with your job, and your comfortable home, your shopping, parties and luxuries and so on, is nonsense, because all this will go away shortly.
Your old life is an illusion of the past and will soon cease to exist.

So what is the solution? What is the other way? What can you do, instead of trying to be obedient?
Well, you need to get up and fight now, because very soon, it might be too late.
We need to overthrow society and fix the things that are wrong, before these very problems will destroy all of us.

Now, there might be two objections:

1. Some people might say: "There is a risk in rebellion, especially in societal rebellion. It might be safer for me in the end if I continue to adapt and conform, because maybe the current crises in the world are just short term things, maybe in 2-3 months everything will be fixed, and then everything will be fine, and I can finally return to my 'old life'"
Well, do you really believe that? That things will not get worse, but instead, by some big blue miracle coming from the sky, everything gets fixed and solved suddenly?
No, we must fix the situation by our own actions, not by hoping for some miraculous deliverance from "above".

2. "Things are going to go to shit anyway, we can neither stop or change it, thus it would be useless to resist and fight".
Well, if you believe that, that our "fate" is already written, and everything is pointless, then why do you even keep going to work or do other things to maintain a normal life? If you believe that "doom is near, and certain", why don't you, for example, withdraw all money from your account and spent your final days with partying or on booze?

Now there might be more objections, but all these are fake in one way or the other, because the real reason people talk and think this way is that they are trained to be obedient, to the point of thinking that obedience must be maintained at any cost, even in the face of disaster, and is always the best mode of action.
This trained behavior can be found in many areas and aspects of life and society. I will give one example from school:
some kids in your class did some shit and were caught, maybe you were involved in it, too, now all hell's breaking loose, and you think, to escape the wrath of the teacher and adults, it is best to stay put, to play being complacent, and maybe they will give you another chance then, and you might just get through this situation - while if you'd act defiant, your problems would multiply.
There are more examples of behavior and thoughts like this from other sectors of society.

But, in the current world situation, being complacent, and just trying to keep on living your own little life and staying away from acts of defiance, will get you nowhere, and lead to your certain death - or a worse fate.

So - what is to be done?
Start to rebel! Stop being an obedient slave to society, to authorities, to norms... resist, get active, stand up. Change your life, change society, change the world!
How is this to be done?
Well, there are probably many problems in your life, and the world, that you are clearly aware of, that you could try to change.
You gotta start somewhere. You don't have to succeed at the first try. You don't have to have the perfect plan everything. Just resist.
"Stray from the course". Do something. The first step leads to other, bigger steps. And things gain momentum, and get more clear, as you go on. It's not as hard as you think. It's not as confusing as you think. Just resist. Start to fight!
Before it is too late.
You have the right to resist. You have the right to demand things, to follow your own self and to stand up for what you believe in.
Because you, me, everyone else - we can win!

TurnAroundWords

I started a new blog: https://turnaroundwords.blogspot.com/

In this blog I turn around words, in one way or the other, in order to create interesting, surreal, and / or bizarre new meanings.

Omnicore Records

Omnicore Records is a sublabel of Doomcore Records.
While Doomcore Records is only for Doomcore, Doomtechno and related genres, Omnicore Records is a label for *all* styles of music, even beyond Hardcore and Techno - Gabber, Oldschool, Speedcore, Rave, Acid, Dark Ambient, Chiptune, Punk, Classical, Spoken Word, tapping your finger on a desk, it could all go on here. Literally any form of music.
This doesn't mean we release all things that get sent to us, though. It has to be of high quality (not necessarily in sound quality, but in creativity and state of mind), and the more unique, experimental, the more away from the usual productions it is, the more likely we are to release it. So dare to be bold and step out of the norm!
Despite this (in an organic development, not enforced by us), a focal point on Omnicore Records are Oldschool Hardcore, Gabber and Rave sounds from the 90s, and plenty of releases are in that style.

We are always looking for new stuff, so if you think your music might fit to the label, you can send a demo to: low.entropy.80@gmail.com (best include the demo as a link to an uploaded file in your email).
Doesn't matter if you're a newcomer or established artist, just go ahead.

For further info on Omnicore Records, check:


Also, to find out more about the parent label, Doomcore Records, check out: https://lowentropyproducer.blogspot.com/p/doomcore-records_13.html
And if you want to know more about its sister label, Slowcore Records, check: https://lowentropyproducer.blogspot.com/p/slowcore-records.html

The Hardcore Condition - Experimental Hardcore Techno Of The 90s


My E-Book "The Hardcore Condition - Experimental Hardcore Techno Of The 90s" is now published on archive.org in a revised edition! You can read it online there, or download it.


Info:

This book is about the Experimental Hardcore Techno scene of the 90s. It tries to give an overview of this scene, and tries to explain what defined it, and what it set apart from the main currents of Techno, Dance and Hardcore culture in the 90s in general.
It talks about artists, labels, records, movements. And also looks at cultural, social, political connections, associations, implications of this very special form of music.

Table of Contents:

Preface For The 2022 Edition – Page 03
Introduction – Page 04
What Was Experimental Hardcore? – Page 06
Some Experimental Hardcore Labels – Page 08
Reading Material – Page 09
Review: Somatic Responses - Passages EP – Page 10
Review: Atari Teenage Riot - 1995 – Page 13
Review: Auto-Psy - Necrophage – Page 16
Review: Senical - Dark Domestic Temper – Page 18
Photon Collisions - A Review And A Story – Page 20
The Story Of Fischkopf – Page 22
About Fischkopf – Page 27
On Mouse And No Name – Page 28
The Senical Label Family – Page 30
The Horrorist – Page 32
Taking Techno Seriously – Page 33
The 70s 80s 90s Continuum – Music – Page 35
Credits – Page 37

Why You Should Think Twice Before Using Social Media As An Artist

The idea of spreading art on social media is inherently crooked and inherently flawed. Because social media is heavily centered on the concept of "likes" and "reach". Artists get the idea that their art is "good", and that they have done right, when their art reaches a lot of people, and when a lot of people like their art.
But, in truth, great art is usually disliked by many people, and / or only known to very few people.

With very few exceptions, it is correct to say: the better your art is, the more it will be hated, and the less people you will reach with it.

Keep this in mind if you consider putting your art on social media.