There are many reasons why I don't play live gigs in the moment. One is the following. When I discovered Hardcore in 1996 until 2000, I went to the record stores, parties, parades, I produced music on my own. But I was not really part of the scene. I didn't organise parties. I didn't play live or as a DJ. Me and very few friends heard the music I produced on my own every weekend night. It was not put out on vinyl EPs or LPs.
Then, in 2000, I ventured straight into the scene. The first 12" was released, I played gigs, did a radio show, zine, tapes, CD-R label, I played Nordcore, and Tresor and and and... and I can't deny this gave me great pleasure - the happiest I've been in my life. But it also destroyed me. It ate me up from the inside. Was pulling on my heart, soul and mind. The truth is my life was better when I was still "alone".
The years when I discovered Hardcore, before I ventured out into the scene, everything in my life was going uphill. Afterwards, everything went downhill. And it nearly destroyed me for good and for real and almost ended my life - I wrote about that chain of events in other posts already.
So, for my own protection, I need to draw the line somewhere, to cut things off a bit. And this is why I don't play at parties physically in the moment.
Of course, I realise I can't hide forever. Eventually I have to venture out into the "real world" with my music again... maybe sometime soon...
Ideologies
All ideologies of the 19th and 20th century; communism, fascism, capitalism, democracy, liberalism, socialism were based on the same lethal fallacy, that did not exist in this way for example in medievel times or outside western society: that you should realise your ideals, that you should put your theories into reality; that the word "true" has the same meaning as the word "real".
Marx And The Ideal
Marx turned 200 a few days ago. The relationship of us anarchists and Marx is quite complicated; some anarchist thinkers embraced Marx economic analysis of capitalism and rejected his statism; others rejected all of Marx.
With Idealist Anarchism, it is even more extreme: Marx work is a virulent and dangerous form of materialism that leaves not much room for any kind of idealism, and his work influenced and empowered anti-idealist and materialist movements in society often to a high degree.
But there is something to be said about Marx, IN regard of idealism.
Marx' work changed the world in the 19th and 20th century, maybe more than any other person's effort did. He took half the world away from capitalism and half the world followed him.
How did he manage to do this? Not by commandeering an army; not by being a president; or taking up a gun or a bomb or any other form of tangible activity in the real world; but by pickin up a pen and writing a book. This is the effect of doing something rational, intellectual, ideal on the world. The true power of the rational and the idealistic.
It is possible to change the face of the world forever; all you need to do is to sit down and write a book. And we set out to change the world.
With Idealist Anarchism, it is even more extreme: Marx work is a virulent and dangerous form of materialism that leaves not much room for any kind of idealism, and his work influenced and empowered anti-idealist and materialist movements in society often to a high degree.
But there is something to be said about Marx, IN regard of idealism.
Marx' work changed the world in the 19th and 20th century, maybe more than any other person's effort did. He took half the world away from capitalism and half the world followed him.
How did he manage to do this? Not by commandeering an army; not by being a president; or taking up a gun or a bomb or any other form of tangible activity in the real world; but by pickin up a pen and writing a book. This is the effect of doing something rational, intellectual, ideal on the world. The true power of the rational and the idealistic.
It is possible to change the face of the world forever; all you need to do is to sit down and write a book. And we set out to change the world.
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