if i should describe myself, i would call myself an explorer. that's really my mode and modus. what interests me. my drive. it maybe explains why, when i reached something artistically, i usually discarded it, and moved on. because i needed to move on, and to know more, to explore more.
this exploration has three basic roots for me.
one, knowledge from books and other media. ah, you're book-nerd, you might now think. well, maybe i am. but let me continue. i tried to read up on any imaginable topic, and even more. usually when i had something that interested me i tried to find as many books, theories, written stuff and possible and study it. it's a boon for me that public domain ebook libraries such as gutenberg.org exist now as this means i can read a lot more and faster than if i had to get my supply on the real world libraries here.
but, even as a child, i realised that getting information from books is not enough. you have to venture out in the world, deeply, to really explore things, to real get to know stuff. i felt, and later knew, that there is so much that is not in books, not chartered, not explored, that can only by understood by life itself.
it's only now that i realise that there can be a lot of value in "book knowledge", there were times when any written knowledge or theory was suspicious so me.
so, when i got into anarchism, i first got it to through books, essays, pamphlets. but i knew that to be a real anarchist, i needed to get really involved in the anarchist scene, really get connected with other anarchists - in real life. so one day i went down to the anarchist bookstore, where i never had been before, and a woman let me in and she made tea for me and she asked me a bit about my life and it was a bit of an awkward or curious situation for both of us. this was how i got involved with anarchism then eventually.
this was just my real life exploration regarding anarchism; i explored much more and much deeper, which might have room in another text. just let me give an example, various people had chosen me as a "master" for them, even though i never hinted at that or had mentioned a desire for this. not some sexual master, not what you think, you naughty boy/girl. a philosophical, sage-like master. at the age of 21,22, i should add.
so let's leave the real world exploration at that.
the third, and most important source for my exploring needs, was - surprise surprise - myself.
if i found a theory, a concept that i found interesting, i tried it on myself, to find out more, to learn more, to put it in practice, to gain something.
and also, i used myself to gain knowledge and insight; one's own mind, personality or intellect can really be a great source for that.
now, to come to the point, what has this to do with my music. well, i had the feeling, i had gathered a lot of knowledge and insight eventually. and i wanted to spread it. but i didn't do this in the language of words, but in the language of sounds. instead of writing a book, or a theory, i created tracks and sounds. but just as authors want to put through a message, an intent or a theory, i tried to do the same; just with music.
there were three, well there were more, but three basic reasons for that.
first, it was of its time. i started making music in the 90s, and in the 70s, 80s, 90s, and before that, the thing, the theory was, that ideas, messages can be transported with music, and better than with books or words.
the three-chord aggression of punkrock enticed and was understood better by the kids around the world than a book could have done; the sound was the message. the same goes for techno. uprising, rebellion, or simply new ideas were transported by sound.
second, there are a lot of philosophers, "sages" and such that explained that language, words, books, are treacherous; that it has its limits; that if you want to transport really interesting, complex and deep concepts, you need to use a different form of communication, without words; such as art.
this theory made sense to me and i followed it.
third, my music was understood, my words not.
i could write about my hatred for "society", "western civilisation" and such and people would just scoff at it. but if i put the same rage into sound, they went mental on the dancefloor to it.
so, i felt that this was indeed an excellent way to communicate my ideas.
i tried to put as much theories, concepts, knowledge, ideas, philosophies, thoughts, into my music and my sound as possible. i tried to put all i assumed to know and thought to be true into it. from almost any field of knowledge. my tracks were like pages to me, my sounds like words, my collections of tracks like books. i don't say this to enheight myself or to praise myself; just to state my intent. if i succeeded at it or not, i am not to judge.
i wanted to write down my own conclusive theory of life; sonically.
so this was it; the driving force behind my art.
right now, it seems, that the way to communicate with music, has been lost, or is fading away. people rarely can "read" in tracks anymore; they just see - "hear" - what's on surface; they not only not see a deeper meaning, they don't even dig for it - as it's "just music" to them. except for some rare explorers of my liking, who spend hours analysing tracks, songs, albums, artists.
that's why i shifted to actually write down my theories in words now. this way, it seems, it is more understand or at least noticed by people.
the situation might get worse; or the language of music will be getting more understood in the future again.
but i had my thing with music, and exploring. i enjoyed it. and in the end, the whole music thing was also a lot of fun.
low entropy, july 2014
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