Subculture And Vision

John Lilly wrote that the entire point of the developement of "psych-meds", something he witnessed first hand, was to find and create substances that would have the effects that drugs have on humans, but without putting them "on a trip". To make people feel happy or relax them, or make them feel more energetic, or more relieved, just like users of Speed, Coke, Heroin and all the other drugs - but not make them "really" high, make them have "hallucinations", visions, make them go off into "inner space", find deep and meaningful insights...
This is a very deep concept and it goes to the very foundation of western society. Generally speaking, everything is designed to make you high - but not to get you too far, onto a real trip. This just not happens in the development of "meds" but also is the very base of the subcultural struggle, of the fight of the originators of cultural movements against those that capitalise on them or otherwise take them over and suck them dry.
For example, Punk originally moved you far, made you challenge society, the government, rules, morals... decades later, "Pop-Punk" was devoid of that effect and just put money in the pockets of those major label executives that sold it. The same happened to Rap, to 60s Rock, virtually every music genre... at first, it is something novel, dangerous, challenging, that changed peoples mind and pushed them far... then years later the same genre still has remains of this very first euphoric buzz, but now it's safe, pre-defined, enclosed... not really make you break all the boundaries.
With Techno and Hardcore it must be said that the modern clubber who dances to Techno or Core all night and takes drugs likely will go on a "trip", and hallucinate, and so on, unlike the users of the aforementioned meds... but it won't be a trip that really gets you somewhere, that leads you to the final anwers, that makes you change your life on a profound and euphoric and positive level (it might change your life in various negative ways though)... this trip stays safe and pre-regulated... it's not a trip that really puts you into the far away dangerous zones beyond all limits... a limited, castrated trip.
90s Hardcore still had that power to push people's minds into the forbidden zone, the majority of Core does not have it now... Techno neither... but there is a new generation of producers that took up this mission again and sent you into surreal ecstacy and the feral realm. The fight goes on... so beware of things that have the trace of euphoria, but that in the end don't feed your head.

My Looks

I put a lot of dedication and effort into how I look, and am very deliberate about which pics of me I post and which not. How I look now is more or less the result of life-long dedication. The reason for this is that I hate, hate the "beauty standard" and try to look uninteresting / uninspiring, nerdy / bookwormish, freaky / outcastish. I want to be liked for my "inner values", not some outward appearance.
Now some would say "Ha ha, you look ugly and would look ugly even if you tried to change that", but I could live more healthy and different, go to the gym, loose weight, shave my head to make "bald spots" less prominent, eat less sugary food, don't be sleep deprived all the time and live without the blinds closed all days, and look maybe somewhat better / more healthy / more alive, but I couldn't care less about that.
The second reason is that I like the concept of American comics, being not shiny in real life with a secret life in which one does better; which for me translates into being a nobody in real life and putting some effort and getting some results in the world of music at the same time, and while I maybe didn't succeed with the latter, I did with the former.

On My Music: Psychedelic Effect And Reach

My music is known to some people, but there are a lot of musicians in our realms of sound that came after me, or before, or started at the same time, that are much more known. Maybe it's better that some music stays more "secret", or my music is just not that interesting. But the truth is that I also always took great pains and effort to keep my music from becoming to widely known to people. For example, while I indeed released on some "larger" labels, I generally keep away from "large" labels, to this day. Or for some years I didn't properly master my tracks (for example adding a lot of hard master clipping - even on pads) and this kept a lot of people away from music. I let a of chances to become "more known" pass me by, on purpose.
Why did I do this?
One reason is I'm not particularly interested in "fame", "success", "career". But there is also another reason that is more important to me. It's that I produce, and always produced psychedelic music. And this music can have a psychedelic effect on people. Isn't this a lot of responsibility for a person? How I can be sure of the consequences and effects of this music production?
Wouldn't spreading psychedelic music to a lot of people be like the plans of some 60s hippies to put LSD in the water supply to get everyone to an "altered state if consciousness" - with its horrible consequences?
To this day I have no answers to these questions.
That's why I rather keep it "under the cover". I assume that people who listen to the specific brand of Doomcore or Speedcore I make are mostly "psychonauts" who have experience with mind altering drugs or trance through meditation etc. and therefore are able to handle psychedelic music well, and positively, and responsible.

Oh you might add that I indeed spread my music outside my circles in the last years. This is true, I have become more bold and sure of myself in that regard. But I try my best to not - spread it to "too many".