Music Producer With Social Anxiety

The social anxiety I got since 2005 makes it impossible for me to meet (almost) any person, or to go to parties, or even play at them.
Now, I don't think I'm a "big name" in the Hardcore scene, but let's say my music is now known to "quite some" people.
This was never intended that way, but it ended up being like it is. To get to that point took many years; and it was complicated by the fact I could never meet any person from this field of music in real life, or play at a party. In my first phase of doing music, before I had this problem, the "turning point" in my music activity was exactly when I started to play lots of gigs; this was what spread my music and made it known to others. But this option was no longer possible.
So everything I did and achieve in music in the last years is based solely on the computer and the internet.

Of course, over the years, people wanted to meet me, or to book me for a gig, or invite me to their party. I literally had to reject 100s of booking offers, including some very big and well known parties.
At first I was not very open about my problems; I was just saying I had no time or other things to do; never "big lies", but extended white lies that ended up becoming handy. Then I had the idea to just say I had "health problems", which is the truth; just that it's not physical, but "mental health" problems. But eventually I realized I should be honest, and told people about the actual problem.
In the end I think it alienated me a lot from the German and especially the Hamburg scene, as I assumed people would start to think I'm too arrogant or snobby to come to their party or meet them; but I guess I just have to live with that.

So, yeah, that's the way it ran, and I can't change the past; I sometimes wonder how my "music trajectory" had ended if I had been able to play all these gigs and get my music out in "the real world" and not just the internet; but it might not have been purely positive; when I still played gigs during the early years of my music, I eventually got influenced and somewhat dragged down by the party and social situation; example: I noticed no one was dancing when playing Acidcore, so I played less Acidcore - when I should have just done what I felt was right and stick to my sound. But that's easy to say on the outside, if you are in a social circle, it's quite hard not to be influenced, at least in some way.
So maybe this situation and problem was bad and negative for me, but it could also have been actually positive, or something inbetween, a grey area or a "blue and orange" area.

But, after all, it's safe to say that it led to some music and (extensive) musical output that I would not and could not have done if the situation had been different.