I've been suffering from anxiety since my childhood. Now, most people who have anxiety will say the same thing: when they have a panic attack, they feel the fear coming, and they feel it rising, until it becomes unbearable, but then they will also be afraid that the fear keeps on rising and rising until it becomes nearly infinite, and be afraid that they then lose control and lose their mind because of the fear.
I had similar experiences with panic attacks. But when I was a teenager, influenced by my new found nihilism via Hardcore Techno, and my natural curiousity, I had a new idea: what would actually happen *if* my anxiety goes to "infinite"? How would that feel like? How does it feel to lose control and to lose one's mind? What is there to be found - beyond "sanity"? What kind of mental state is it?
Eventually, my curiousity got the better of me. So the next time I had a panic attack, I completely surrendered to my anxiety and let the fear totally sweep over me, and just let it rise and rise. Do you want to know what happened then?
Well - I won't tell you, because if I did, you'd think I'm "batshit insane" (which I am). Let's just say these experiences are the foundation for every track I produced since then.
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