I talked a lot about the end of the world and the apocalypse. This is of course meant only symbolically. It's a metaphor for losing all connection to worldly affairs. Many people are tied up in things such as society, work, hunt for money and fame, consumer attitude, family, friends, etc. And you can get nowhere if your mind is stuck too much in these things. This of course doesn't mean you should quit your job and live like a hermit (but feel free to do it if that's what you want). It's about losing attachment to the world on a mental, not on a physical, real level. This complex relationship between attachment, detachment, mind and reality could fill a series of books alone and it's hard to explain. I think something that Max Stirner said describes it the best: there is no "salvation" in worldly matters. Your job might give you money to pay your bills. It might even satisfy you. But it will never lead you to any truly meaningful or profound state of mind. And this goes for all other worldly affairs too. A little bit of fame might feel nice - but it won't give you peace of mind in the end.
If you loosen your attachment to the world bit by bit, eventually you will reach a point where it feels like you lose all of the world. And this is the metaphor I mean when I talk about the end of the world.
To explain this metaphor a bit more. The well known and cult science fiction author William Gibson grew up as an orphan. He once said that when his parents died, he not only felt like he lost his parents, but he felt like he lost the whole world. He was in a completely unprepared, strange, new situation that felt dangerous and incomprehensible. But this was the prerequisite for him to become a great author. He really lost the world - on a symbolical level - but he gained a new life.
Everyone who has accomplished something truly meaningful and profound has experienced this very own "end of the world" at least once in his life. Even most people who attained something out of the ordinary, but something of lesser acclaim (because it's material), such as becoming a billionaire or a rockstar experienced this.
You just have to go through this and you have to face this - unless you want to be stuck in a boring life for all time.
So do not be afraid of the "end times".
Producing Durations
How long does it take me to work on a track?
Well, when doing tracks, there are two phases for me. First, the planning phase. Before working on a track, I make a detailed and often complete blueprint for the track in my head. The general idea and concept of the track, what synths to use, what kind of drums, samples, down to the percussion and the structure and patterns of that track. This often builds on an idea for a track i have suddenly, for example while taking a walk or cooking or watching a movie or anything else. I usually have the "complete" track in my head within seconds. In other cases, I have an idea for a track (usually a more "general" idea) and keep it, and only add more detailed layers to it later.
This then can span a long amount of time, I often add on ideas of tracks I had 1, 2, 5, or 20 years ago. Sometimes I have a track in my head for a decade before putting it down to actual creation. As I got older I got to diving faster into the past, and have made tracks that built on ideas I had in my early childhood for example.
So, there is a lot of work and especially a lot of time involved in creating tracks for me.
I have the track planned in my head. What now? Actually creating it. What happens then is between two extremes. Sometimes I create the track just as it is in my head - even though it of course sounds different when actually doing the melodies and patterns and structures, which sometimes has interesting results. But most often, when producing the track I get new ideas, and change the track then according to them. It's a matter of "going with the flow". I arrived at the point where I don't follow any notion of how the track "has to be" anymore - it can sound any way it can while producing it. Sometimes the end result is the complete opposite of how I intended the track to be (for example planning a Speedcore track and ending up with producing a Slowcore track). This "producing" part is usually very quick and fast and if I have planned the tracks thoroughly in my head already, I for example can produce a lot of tracks in just one weekend or even one night.
That the tracks change while producing doesn't mean I "discard" the ideas and planning then. It's more a marriage of sonic idea and actual production. A dualism that is complex and can be hard to navigate but it's what I focus on by now.
Well, when doing tracks, there are two phases for me. First, the planning phase. Before working on a track, I make a detailed and often complete blueprint for the track in my head. The general idea and concept of the track, what synths to use, what kind of drums, samples, down to the percussion and the structure and patterns of that track. This often builds on an idea for a track i have suddenly, for example while taking a walk or cooking or watching a movie or anything else. I usually have the "complete" track in my head within seconds. In other cases, I have an idea for a track (usually a more "general" idea) and keep it, and only add more detailed layers to it later.
This then can span a long amount of time, I often add on ideas of tracks I had 1, 2, 5, or 20 years ago. Sometimes I have a track in my head for a decade before putting it down to actual creation. As I got older I got to diving faster into the past, and have made tracks that built on ideas I had in my early childhood for example.
So, there is a lot of work and especially a lot of time involved in creating tracks for me.
I have the track planned in my head. What now? Actually creating it. What happens then is between two extremes. Sometimes I create the track just as it is in my head - even though it of course sounds different when actually doing the melodies and patterns and structures, which sometimes has interesting results. But most often, when producing the track I get new ideas, and change the track then according to them. It's a matter of "going with the flow". I arrived at the point where I don't follow any notion of how the track "has to be" anymore - it can sound any way it can while producing it. Sometimes the end result is the complete opposite of how I intended the track to be (for example planning a Speedcore track and ending up with producing a Slowcore track). This "producing" part is usually very quick and fast and if I have planned the tracks thoroughly in my head already, I for example can produce a lot of tracks in just one weekend or even one night.
That the tracks change while producing doesn't mean I "discard" the ideas and planning then. It's more a marriage of sonic idea and actual production. A dualism that is complex and can be hard to navigate but it's what I focus on by now.
Personal Anarchy
Personal issues and politics should maybe not mix. But I must admit I have a very strong personal interest in anarchism - it's not just a "selfless cause", so to say.
What happened?
When my bullies at school threatened to kill me with a knife and the other kids of my class cheered for them and encouraged them, with the addition of similar incidents before and after, I realized the members of the society I live in hated me so much that they were willing to kill me. I assumed that even if I would survive my teenage years, I'd probably be stuck at the lowest ranks of society for the rest of my life, or become homeless, an inmate or a person in a lunatic asylum.
And I did not know what to do about this. This all changed when I encountered anarchism and began to dive into anarchist theory.
There was a thought special (but not limited) to 90s anarchism, the concept that you can play the role of a somewhat adapted-to-society, conforming person and society will not see through this and take no action against you even if you're a rebel or outcast in secret. This gave me hope I could move freely in society.
Another thing was that anarchism inspired me to not silently suffer through all this bullshit but to stick up for myself and fight for my rights.
And, thirdly, the believe in revolution and societal change and a better world with freedom gave me personal strength and courage.
This lead to a lot of positive changes in my life, like helping me to handle my anxiety problems or to get a school degree finally, after I had dropped out of school due to the bullying, or to get along better on a social level with other people.
Years later, after many, many disappointments with the organized "anarchist" movements and personal setbacks, I thought anarchy and revolution were no longer possible - partly due to human nature, partly to the hopeless behavior of many people who call themselves "anarchist".
The result of this disillusion that my life came to a grinding halt and a cascade of events were set in motion that nearly led to my death in 2004.
I struggled for years until my heart found anarchy again - and then my personal life improved step by step too. Things were steadily getting better again.
So I know the clichéd statement "anarchy is nice in theory but doesn't work in reality" is not true. Anarchy worked in reality for me on a personal level. It's not just a "nice idea". It is something very deep and profound.
And it could work for everyone else too. For the whole of society.
What happened?
When my bullies at school threatened to kill me with a knife and the other kids of my class cheered for them and encouraged them, with the addition of similar incidents before and after, I realized the members of the society I live in hated me so much that they were willing to kill me. I assumed that even if I would survive my teenage years, I'd probably be stuck at the lowest ranks of society for the rest of my life, or become homeless, an inmate or a person in a lunatic asylum.
And I did not know what to do about this. This all changed when I encountered anarchism and began to dive into anarchist theory.
There was a thought special (but not limited) to 90s anarchism, the concept that you can play the role of a somewhat adapted-to-society, conforming person and society will not see through this and take no action against you even if you're a rebel or outcast in secret. This gave me hope I could move freely in society.
Another thing was that anarchism inspired me to not silently suffer through all this bullshit but to stick up for myself and fight for my rights.
And, thirdly, the believe in revolution and societal change and a better world with freedom gave me personal strength and courage.
This lead to a lot of positive changes in my life, like helping me to handle my anxiety problems or to get a school degree finally, after I had dropped out of school due to the bullying, or to get along better on a social level with other people.
Years later, after many, many disappointments with the organized "anarchist" movements and personal setbacks, I thought anarchy and revolution were no longer possible - partly due to human nature, partly to the hopeless behavior of many people who call themselves "anarchist".
The result of this disillusion that my life came to a grinding halt and a cascade of events were set in motion that nearly led to my death in 2004.
I struggled for years until my heart found anarchy again - and then my personal life improved step by step too. Things were steadily getting better again.
So I know the clichéd statement "anarchy is nice in theory but doesn't work in reality" is not true. Anarchy worked in reality for me on a personal level. It's not just a "nice idea". It is something very deep and profound.
And it could work for everyone else too. For the whole of society.
2018 And My Music
The year (and the world) is coming to an end, so it's time for me to reflect on my activities in 2018 a bit.
There were definitely two high points for me this year.
The release of "Malfunction" on Praxis which were tracks I started in 2002 and finished in 2004 for a vinyl and CD album on Praxis that were never released due to some unfortunate events on my part, until this year, digitally; and I got some good feedback for them, and it was a pleasure to return to Praxis of course.
Second was the release of "To the Emerald Planet And Beyond", remixes of my track from 2005 by some legendary, classic artists and newer, upcoming artists that I both respect a lot such as Darius G, Kevin Vega, Murmuur, Maniak-47 and many others. This release took a lot of time and effort, and I was happy when it was finally out.
Doomcore Records also went strong this year with countless releases, and some that I consider "Auteur Doomcore", next level Doomcore Stuff, for example by Darkblack XIII or Plucessit. In 2018, the "music press" also continued their interest in Doomcore Records with plenty of mentions.
I produced around 30-40 new tracks this year, a bit meager compared with for example the ca. 100 tracks I produced in 2014. They were mostly in a Doomcore style, either what I call "Klimperdoom" and / or "Arenacore" (don't ask).
My main output this year was definitely the Tribute mixes, of which I did more than ever. I also tried to focus on some more obscure artists / labels / genres this time, such as Tranceform records or Psytrance Speedcore. I think I did most of the Tributes I wanted by now, so I might do much less in the future.
I also wrote many texts for my blog, giving more details on my struggle with "Mental Health" and being a Christian cult survivor. But also on the topic of combining music with politics; the possibility of pushing social change by doing art. Apart from the politics, I wrote various articles, including two for The Hard Data, for example on the history of tracker music.
Did I like 2018? It was a crazy ride. Definitely an improvement from 2017, and I feel I get slowly closer to where I want to be.
Plans for 2019? Shhh, they're secret. And if nuclear war and or economical breakdown don't get in their way...
We'll see. Stay tuned for more entropy.
There were definitely two high points for me this year.
The release of "Malfunction" on Praxis which were tracks I started in 2002 and finished in 2004 for a vinyl and CD album on Praxis that were never released due to some unfortunate events on my part, until this year, digitally; and I got some good feedback for them, and it was a pleasure to return to Praxis of course.
Second was the release of "To the Emerald Planet And Beyond", remixes of my track from 2005 by some legendary, classic artists and newer, upcoming artists that I both respect a lot such as Darius G, Kevin Vega, Murmuur, Maniak-47 and many others. This release took a lot of time and effort, and I was happy when it was finally out.
Doomcore Records also went strong this year with countless releases, and some that I consider "Auteur Doomcore", next level Doomcore Stuff, for example by Darkblack XIII or Plucessit. In 2018, the "music press" also continued their interest in Doomcore Records with plenty of mentions.
I produced around 30-40 new tracks this year, a bit meager compared with for example the ca. 100 tracks I produced in 2014. They were mostly in a Doomcore style, either what I call "Klimperdoom" and / or "Arenacore" (don't ask).
My main output this year was definitely the Tribute mixes, of which I did more than ever. I also tried to focus on some more obscure artists / labels / genres this time, such as Tranceform records or Psytrance Speedcore. I think I did most of the Tributes I wanted by now, so I might do much less in the future.
I also wrote many texts for my blog, giving more details on my struggle with "Mental Health" and being a Christian cult survivor. But also on the topic of combining music with politics; the possibility of pushing social change by doing art. Apart from the politics, I wrote various articles, including two for The Hard Data, for example on the history of tracker music.
Did I like 2018? It was a crazy ride. Definitely an improvement from 2017, and I feel I get slowly closer to where I want to be.
Plans for 2019? Shhh, they're secret. And if nuclear war and or economical breakdown don't get in their way...
We'll see. Stay tuned for more entropy.
The Advent Of Acid
One of the techniques for meditation is to repeat a word or a sentence on and on in your mind, until you get into trance (and beyond).
I like to use a similar technique in my tracks by repeating vocal samples on and on.
There is one thing I find most fascinating, which is that after a while you will begin to find several meanings attached to a single word or sentence. A multitude of meanings.
I'll use my track "The Advent Of Acid" as an example, even though it's not the most fitting example, as it is a fragment of speech, not just a single sentence.
But when you listen to the track you will hear that Ken Kesey makes pauses during this speech, which sort of breaks it up into shorter sentences again.
So let's start.
"I believe..."
a good way to start what is to follow. I believe. You can believe in God. or maybe in Atheism. Or something more profane, you believe there will be good weather on Sunday. It can be used as a meta-meaning. I believe. I'm a believer. I stand for what i believe and will defend it. "It" could be many things.
Or it could mean you believe in the sentences that follow.
"... With the advent of acid..."
It's an acid track. So the advent of acid could be the rise of Acid House. Or it could refer to when the acid sounds start to twirl in the track. Acid rain was a big topic a few years ago. The advent of acid rain. Of course Ken Kesey means acid the drug, LSD.
The sentence can be further broken down.
"...the Advent..."
The advent. Of what? The advent of the future. The advent of a new society. Or the advent of something personal. Or maybe the advent of "Jesus Christ". In Germany, the time before Christmas is called "Adventszeit" for that reason. Or the advent of something entirely different.
"...of Acid..."
Something made of acid. Tracks that come from the genre of Acid. We as humans are made of acid, of DNA.
"... We discovered a new way to think..."
This is interesting. Think in a new way. Think boldly. Think out of the box. What is a new way to think? Think in numbers. Or symbols. Or pictures. Or maybe a new way to think on and about a certain topic. History. Sociology. Religion.
"...and it has to do with piecing together new thoughts in your mind..."
Piece together new thoughts. Thoughts you did not have before. What could a new thought be? Maybe a discovery. Or something more banal, yet still new. Or thoughts that did not exist before. Yet every time i thought I had a new thought I discovered it with some author or thinker later in my life. It had already been thought.
When listening to this quote I often hear "piercing" instead of piecing. Piercing thoughts. Thoughts that don't leave you cold. That invade your mind.
So this is just a look at the first four sentences. I only wrote down some possible meanings. There are hundreds, or maybe unlimited, more meanings that could be found.
With this multitude of meanings the sampled speech helps the listener to reach a state of trance. And an outburst of creativity.
It is really something very interesting, and something that techno music seems to be made for. It is something to be further explored.
I like to use a similar technique in my tracks by repeating vocal samples on and on.
There is one thing I find most fascinating, which is that after a while you will begin to find several meanings attached to a single word or sentence. A multitude of meanings.
I'll use my track "The Advent Of Acid" as an example, even though it's not the most fitting example, as it is a fragment of speech, not just a single sentence.
But when you listen to the track you will hear that Ken Kesey makes pauses during this speech, which sort of breaks it up into shorter sentences again.
So let's start.
"I believe..."
a good way to start what is to follow. I believe. You can believe in God. or maybe in Atheism. Or something more profane, you believe there will be good weather on Sunday. It can be used as a meta-meaning. I believe. I'm a believer. I stand for what i believe and will defend it. "It" could be many things.
Or it could mean you believe in the sentences that follow.
"... With the advent of acid..."
It's an acid track. So the advent of acid could be the rise of Acid House. Or it could refer to when the acid sounds start to twirl in the track. Acid rain was a big topic a few years ago. The advent of acid rain. Of course Ken Kesey means acid the drug, LSD.
The sentence can be further broken down.
"...the Advent..."
The advent. Of what? The advent of the future. The advent of a new society. Or the advent of something personal. Or maybe the advent of "Jesus Christ". In Germany, the time before Christmas is called "Adventszeit" for that reason. Or the advent of something entirely different.
"...of Acid..."
Something made of acid. Tracks that come from the genre of Acid. We as humans are made of acid, of DNA.
"... We discovered a new way to think..."
This is interesting. Think in a new way. Think boldly. Think out of the box. What is a new way to think? Think in numbers. Or symbols. Or pictures. Or maybe a new way to think on and about a certain topic. History. Sociology. Religion.
"...and it has to do with piecing together new thoughts in your mind..."
Piece together new thoughts. Thoughts you did not have before. What could a new thought be? Maybe a discovery. Or something more banal, yet still new. Or thoughts that did not exist before. Yet every time i thought I had a new thought I discovered it with some author or thinker later in my life. It had already been thought.
When listening to this quote I often hear "piercing" instead of piecing. Piercing thoughts. Thoughts that don't leave you cold. That invade your mind.
So this is just a look at the first four sentences. I only wrote down some possible meanings. There are hundreds, or maybe unlimited, more meanings that could be found.
With this multitude of meanings the sampled speech helps the listener to reach a state of trance. And an outburst of creativity.
It is really something very interesting, and something that techno music seems to be made for. It is something to be further explored.
The End Of The "Sex Craze"
I think 2018 is the year in which the "sex craze" in the Western world turned sour, or maybe some years earlier already. On the one side there are the feminists and leftists to whom a smile or mild flirting is already "sexual harassment" (I recently heard that being polite to women is "that chivalry shit"). On the other side are the right-wingers and machos who try to justify real sexual harassment or even rape! "No Sex" or "Rape Culture" - this seems to be where we are headed. There is no natural, healthy view on sexuality and sexual topics anymore.
On My Music 2
My intention in my music is to have a psychedelic effect. All other aspects of my music are subjugated to this. If I need to run a bassdrum straight for 8 minutes to have this effect I'll do it. If I need to make a 30 seconds only track for the effect, I'll make it. Some people feel this effect in my music, and others don't. I noticed that mostly people who use a similar psychedelic effect in their own productions "feel it" too. Of course I'm aware that psychedelics are a wide field and even those who are inclined like this might not "click" to my particular way of getting there. But I imagine to someone who is not interested in psychedelics at all, my music must sound quite dull.
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