Why I Am Doing Music

i never intended to make money or "become successful" in society's standards with my music. i wish i could say this was based on altruism or a certain "noble mindset" on my part. but in truth, it isn't. it is simply completely elementary for me to make music. it is a necessity. i need to do it. now you might think what i want to say is that music gives me energy or hope and strength, and thus supports my life, and that's why i do it. but it goes much deeper than that. my music doesn't support my life - well it does, but there is also something else. my music *is* more my life than my "actual life" could ever be. the real me is in my music, or rather, it is more in my music, than in any other era of my life.
why is this this way? how do i mean that? well, i think it is safe to say that for any human that exists, there is a deep conflict that shapes his life. this is the conflict between how he, or she, really is, and how society demands him or her to be. the conflict between individual and society can not be overcome, at least not easily. most people choose to reach some sort of middle ground, or compromise, between their own needs and societies demand. they fit in. but this is not feasible for me. because, at my core, i am too different to society. my needs, and my very nature is much too different from society, and its norms and standards. but, on the other hand, i cannot simply "leave" or win against society, at least not in an easy way, again. i too have to confirm and adapt and fit in, every day. if only to not find myself on the streets or in jail at the end of the day. but, by chance, i found a solution for this. which is, that in my music, i can put out all the thoughts, desires, ideas, wishes, needs, that i cannot find or live in societal life. in my music i can put my real me, the one that is hidden from society.
and i can live good by this, as the pressure to adapt, that hinders many people, is taken off my back in a nice way. i can live and adapt, but still be my true me.
this is why i am creating music.