My Crisis Of Creating Art

after i returned to creating music after an almost 4 year long break, i was overly enthuasistic. i had so many ideas that had piled up in the years that had passed, and started to produce tracks en masse. this soon faded to disappointment; i felt that my music had lost its sparkle, and also its purpose. it just didnt feel like it used to do.
the reason, or rather, one of the reasons, why i did music lies in some texts and books i read around a year after i had started creating music. it was a critique of art, or rather, a critique of everything. the major flaw, the major failure of art, as it was stated, was that the object, the purpose, the essence of art was removed from the people and from life; art was subjected to put into a gallery or pressed on a record; but no real connection was made. when listening to music or watching a painting, a sparkle was felt, but this sparkle passed. the job of the revolutionary artist, thus, was to catch this wondrous sparkle; extend it; so that a real connection was made; the sparkle had to become tangible.
in the 7 years of creating art initially, i tried all kinds of methods to achieve this; sometimes to a lesser degree, sometimes more. but never i felt as i had really suceeded. the art remained art. it remained removed.
so, in my crisis of art, this goal, seemed farther away than ever. then, by chance, i recalled, that i actually had attained this goal in my life; and, even more confusingly, at the very beginning of my life. when i was a small child, art had this wondrous quality to me, and it felt totally normal to me. listening to spacy music, when some of the scifi influenced music was played on the radio, really made me feel as i was surfing the stars or being put in orbit. music was magic at that time.
i realised that this was exactly what the authors i had read, about art, wanted to attain.

so i had it; i had had it, and i had lost it. but, at least i knew, that what i was trying to attain with art, was indeed a possibly. but, now, how to go on about it? the first step was to gather the music that had this effect on me at a young age, at the beginning of the 80s; electronic krautrock (yes there was a time when this was played on the radio), synthpop, experimental electronic music, even some synth-infused mainstream music.
i couldn't recreate this intense sparkle just by listening to it; but i felt that i was at least getting somewhere, at least finally moving ahead with my art. i felt i was coming closer.
this resulted in a lengthy and, at many times, exhausting journey. but, i managed, with my own music, for me, to at least have moments, where i felt this same thing, maybe not as intensive, maybe not as long, but it was there, again. so i was getting ahead.
how this journey will go on, and end, and if i will suceed, i can't tell - yet.